Haven't wrote anything in a whilesorry. I do visit your site everyday to see whos writeing. We miss you very muchand miss Richard and Barbara also. I think about you all each and everyday. I'm always thinking back on times we had together at work. I never got to know you as well as I would have wanted tooyou were taken from us to soon. I was looking forward to you helping me in my garage with my projectand I know you would have enjoyed it so so much. One day I will start on itand when we get done with it we will post a picture on here for ya.
Its been so hard seeing the pain in your moms eyes. I truely understandjust wish other people understood the pain its brought to her and Ishe is a great and wonderfull woman and I love her very much and its just not fair. Just keep sending her sign'sand keep sending her the stength to help her get through each and everyday without you. Well I'm at workand need to get busy...love yaand miss you KyleRichardBarbara...love Philip
Missing you and not seeing and touching you son is the hardest thing I will ever have to do the rest of my life.
Thanks for the signs you have been sending me....you will always be the first thing I think of when I awake and the last thing I will think of before I sleep.
So hard to believe that I haven't seen you in over 3 years....how have I made it this long without you?
Loving you was easy missing you is unbearable...love you my precious son!!
Wish I couldve known you better / Mike McCoy (Friend)
Hey Kyle, I just wanted to say that I wish I could have gotten to know you better, I enjoyed the time that I had to get to know what little I did know about you. I remember the day I met you, It was at Catfish and Xtina's house and Me You and Catfish decided we were going to paint Xtina's bike so off to the paint store we went. Its just as funny now as it was then how we constructed the makeshift paint booth in their shed out of all that plastic, lol. Geez it was hot in there! I remember how you got a little crazy and stopped painting the bike and started painting everything but that, it was hilarious and classic Kyle from what I knew of you and the memories that Catfish shares with me. I feel as if I had known you for many years although it had been only a couple of months. I really would have loved to get to know you alot better, I do think of you often when Chris wears your shirt or when he says something about how you wouldve done that, or how you did this when somethig reminds him of you, I get alot of that these days since we are roommates, and if you were here, Im sure you would be here all the time, and I wish you were. In the time that I got to be around you, you always seemed to have a way to make me laugh, I didnt know that it was possible for someone to have that inner child just like me, but you had it and boy were you funny! Its funny how you know so little about someone, but feel so connected to that person in someway. I also wanted to let your family know that my heart goes out to them and I will always have you and your family in my prayers and that little bit of you that I have in my heart. If you will do me a favor while your up there dancing with the angels, look up a couple of my other friends, Tommy Atkinson, and Jason Gilbert, I really think you would like those guys, they were special people just like you and maybe you guys can dance with the angels together! I just wanted you to know that you had that special way of touching people and that I was one of them. Oh, and by the way, after God took you from us, everytime I would go to Chris and Xtina's, Buddy would always come and jump in my lap and chill with me, I always thought that was your way of connecting with me more, thru Buddy. Well anyway Kyle, I gotta wrap this up for now, Gotta go chase the almighty dollar. Till the next time, you will always be loved and missed and Im glad that you were and still are a part of my life! Close
The memory sites have been down because of a virus, but now it has been cleared up and I am able to write on here. I have missed so much coming here and talking to you. It has been so so long..
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, I think of you all through the day, memories flood my mind and yes, I do get really down and depressed missing you sweetheart. I'm still trying, I'm still getting up in the morning, sometimes I may get up and go back to my bed and lay there and cry all day wishing you were with me teasing me and talking to me.
It's so hard to believe that exactly one month from today that you
found your way to heaven. Tears are falling as I type this, it's so hard to live each day, struggling without you and struggling with so many other things life has thrown me. Some times I think that I'm happy you don't have to live in this cruel life, putting up with people who are so mean and have no compassion for others. I have always thought I was a strong person, someone who can get through all adversities life throws me, but it's getting harder and harder for me to cope with how people are in general. I think if you never died, and I was able to have you share your life with me, that things would be easier, which it would be. But, that's not how it is, I have to continue to go forward without your presense, and nothing is harder than that.
Sometimes I feel you around me, and it's so very comforting, I just wished I could feel your bear hugs, see your smile, and hear your voice son. You were always my protector, one who would always be in my corner and always defend me like Philip always does.
Life is so unfair, I have always tried to do the right thing, make others feel worthy and cared about, even put others before me, and recently I have been beat down for reasons I will never understand. Knowing you are safe in God's hands and surrounded by people who love you and care for you also gives me comfort. But at the same time my mind switches to my selfish need to have you with me, for you to marry and have children for me to spoil, like I did with you. This will never happen, and as hard as it is to accept, I know that I have to stay strong, not only because of Philip but because I know you would want me to.
Please help lift me out of this horrible deep depression I am in, join with Mom, Dad and Grandma Helen and help take away the lonliness and sadness I have in my heart. I need you all now more than ever.
I love you so so much! I miss you more than I can say! It can be so unbearable on most days. I sound so selfish writing this, but right now it's how I feel. Your loving Mom forever!
I have been living this nightmare of living without you son! Not easy, as I know you can see, but I keep putting one step in front of the other and in someways starting to build a block around me so I won't be hurt again! Last week was not a good week with so much emotional turmoil and added hurt, but we got through it, and I felt you were there the whole time! Keep staying close Kyle,
I need you here with me the next couple of months leading into the dreaded anniversary of your death, it's not fair, but sometimes life just isn't fair is it? I came on here to tell you at what stage I am on this journey without you...As you know I have re-read the so called stages of Grief, remember reading them last year, but I wasn't even near out of #4, and still have those depressing days. I think there are more than 7 stages, so many in between things that constantly will trigger hard days, but I guess the short of it is, things have to be summed up like an introduction in to another life! Which is what us parents have to do to continue to heal!
# 6
RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH~
AS we parents become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find
yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will
start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
Of course the last stage would coincide with this one with how I feel to some degree...
but with every baby step, every phase, stage or whatever one wants to call it, the pain lingers and although each day we work towards finding ourselves again and searching for things to drawl us back to some normalcy, will forever be a part of us.
LOVE YOU MY SWEET ANGEL!!! MISSING YOU NOW AND FOREVER!!!
You have been gone 3 years today...so hard to believe!
I miss you so much! I wish I would have had one more day with you!
The Memorial Web sites are having some technical difficulties...
I know they are working on them, and hope soon they will get the problems solved...
I remember like it was yesterday when Jody called 3 years ago, I had to pull off the side of the road and cried like a baby....not knowing that day would be the first of the losses in my life in such a short time. I know all of you are together now...but it's so hard to accept that I have to live my life without all of you in it, seeing you in person, hearing your voices, feeling your hugs, seeing all of your wonderful smiles. I miss it so much!!
Yeah, I keep trying to be strong...not easy on some days, but how else will I get to see you when it's my time?
Take care of my baby, I say that knowing you are, but as a Mom you know it's something that is said automatically.
I am having Foster's Monument Company work on the plaque for you and dad...I've been trying to get hold of the people who are on the board of the Joplin cemetery...talked to the preacher at the church there, he said he was going to do some research and have someone to call me as soon as he finds anything out. I know you and Dad both loved the peace the family cemetery gave you...so when we drive up on my birthday we will make sure things are taken care of, and we thought a dogwood tree would be something you would love to be planted next to the plaque.
I hope we feel all of you that day...I think we will...
Miss you all! I think of each of you every single day! Keep us all safe and send us a sign to let us know you all are doing everything you loved to do when you were here on earth in yourmansion in the sky!!
Hey Kyle / Philip Patton (step dad )
Morning Kyle,Barbara,and Richard. We miss you all very much. I cant believe its been 3 years today sence Valerie and I's life was changed and Barbara left us. I know I never had alot of time to get to know her and her know me,but I want her to know one thing,her daughter is in good hands,and I love her very much. The little time I spend with you Barbara,I think you knew that Valerie was happy and found the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life. I do want to say to you Barbara,thank you for not talking your daughter into staying in Ark,and letting her come to Florida and meet me,she is the sweetest person I have ever met,and there are so many here that loves her too. I love you all very much and wish our lives wasn't cut so short,but I know one day we will all be together again...................love you all Philip Close
I just got finished reading what Kristin wrote, and it breaks my heart to hear her questioning the what ifs.....
Sitting here with tears rolling down my face missing those bear hugs too, and that smiling face!
Every time I see something or do something I think how much you would love to be doing it....like the Wii Game, helping Philip fix the car, things that I know my baby would love!
I have asked the same questions as Kristin, but I truly feel that no matter where you were or what happened before you left to go back to Jonesboro, that heaven was already your destiny at that time like it was for Lance and for Brittany. My thoughts are when a person is born, God already planned their time line on earth!
It's not fair for all of us who loves you so much and misses you so much! I want to go back in time and say every thing I can to you that I didn't before you met God! But as we know, I will have to wait until it's my time to see you again!
Kristin, I'm sorry you didn't get to talk to Kyle while he was in ICU, but please know this, he knew you loved him, I told him while he was laying in the hospital bed and I know others did too!
We will never forget our Kyle, and even though the tears fall, I am grateful that my son had so many people that loved him and cared about him. The pain has to ease one day for all of us, it will soften, but yes, it will never go away! We will learn to live with it the best we can, and always think of how Kyle would want us to be handling the rest of our lives!
Love you Son! The presence of your absence is every where!
Year after year.... / Kristin Rasbury (friend)Read >>
Year after year.... / Kristin Rasbury (friend)
year after year i sit her and wonder...why this happened to you. why were you taken so soon? and with so many unfinished things? people keep telling me to let go...but i say how can i let go of something/someone who meant so much to me? i mean i never got to tell him that before he left us...i hope he knew. This week is the week that my whole life changed and went down a new path that led us to where we are today. i ask myself am i usually this emotional...am i usually this bitchy? i wonder if i subcontiously know what this week was to me and how it changed your life and mine! i always wonder what would of happened if i had stayed? what would of happened if we worked things out and you stayed in florida and kept goin to school? would the lord still have takin you away from us? or was it because i chose a different path because i was scared? is it my fault that you are gone? i have so many questions about what happened to you and when i meet god i plan to ask him. i live in regret every single day and i think back if i just would of done this while you were alive would you still be here! people ask me how can i remember the dates and the weeks...and i say when you change as much as i did and lose someone who mattered to you the most then you remember everything and i mean EVERYTHING! i have my good days and i have my bad days...days that i smile when i think about you and days that i cry! its been awhile for a good cry, but i have been holding alot in...and as your angel date nears...i only know im gonna get more and more emotional....i will never understand why god took you so early and why he took you without me getting to tell you how i felt! the things i wanted to say...i miss you terribly...and i want nothing more than for you to be here with me everyday! as the relationship im in gets deeper and deeper i ask myself...do i want to put myself in this postion again? do i want to possibly go through this heartache again? and i know you would want me to move on and find happiness, but i dont know if i have it in me to give all i have like i did with you! what if they dont accept it so lovingly like you did! i miss you so much, and all i want is a big bear hug from you! and to see that smile i loved! i need your guidence and your strength ! i know you are with me everyday...helping me get through another day without you...and helping me stay strong in my weak moments! i will never understand what happened and i cant wait till the day i get to see your smiling face again! i miss you so much and love you! please give me strength! Close
I am so sorry for the lose of your dear son Kyle. I am an angelmom and just read the post where you have joined our group. The lose of a child is the most undiscribable pain we moms must endore. But thank God for groups like angelmoms that we can reach out to each other and know how we feel without having to try and discribe it to someone who has no clue what it is we are going through. I lost my son on Feb. 18th 2006. I am here if you need to just talk and walk this long unwanted road of life we are on. Bless you and your family.
Thank you for sharing James with me. I am so very sorry for your loss but may you find comfort in knowing he is watching over you from heaven until the day you will be with him again. Peace be with you.
Morning Kyle / Philip Patton (step-dad)
Morning Kyle. I haven't been on in a while so thought I would this morning. I just wanted to tell you first of all we miss you very,very much. Tell Richard and Barbara we said hi and we miss them also. When I'm sitting around the house at times, I think alot when you were helping me with alot of things and Richard in our appartment and working in the yard,and miss it so much. I also remember when you were working with me and when something would always come in that would work on your truck,you would always ask me " what do you think that would look like on my truck ",well to let you know I finish your truck for you and it looks awsome,and I'm sure all that I've done to it you would say it looks good and I'm proud to make it look just like you would have wanted it too,and I'll cherish it and take care of it for you. I asked your mom to post a picture on your site when she gets time. Well beter get to work. Watch over us all and more with your mom,I know the Holidays are hard without you here with us. I love you Kyle Berry,and miss you so very,very much and think about you everyday and always will.......................your step-dad....Philip Close
Sorry for your loss / Trish H. (Freind of Val )Read >>
Sorry for your loss / Trish H. (Freind of Val )
Val,
So sorry to hear of the loss of your Dad. May you take some comfort in the fact that Kyle, your mom and dad are together. So sorry you have to deal with another loss, and so close to the holidays. We who have lost our only child and possibility of grandchildren have an especially hard road to follow! But we will survive with a little help from our friends! Wishing you peace and joy this holiday season. If you come to town give me a shout.
Getting by with just a little help from our friends.
I know you, Mom and Grandpa are rejoicing together / Mom Read >>
I know you, Mom and Grandpa are rejoicing together / Mom
I asked Grandpa to show me a sign when he got to heaven and saw you and Grandma....and he did just that yesterday
after he passed away. I'm sure you already know this though, but to all that read on my son's site, his grandfather, my Dad joined Kyle and his wife, my mother
on Thursday October 30th at 12:05 PM. I have been blessed to have had two wonderful parents and a fabulous son, I know one
day we all will be rejoicing in our own mansion in the sky.
There's not a day that goes by that I haven't grieved for my son and my mother, but knowing Dad will never suffer again gives me so much peace this day. I will always miss and keep them close to my heart.
If anyone ever feels the need to donate to an organization or service, I recommend Hospice here in Zephyrhills, Fl., or in your county, and/or any research society or clinic to find the cure for Alztemiers.
God Bless all of you. And Dad, I sure miss! I think of all of the camping trips we did as a family...Thank You for being my Father....and continue to nudge Kyle more with signs from him, hug each other for me too!
Little Sahara / Kristin Rasbury (Friend)
hey kyle...this past weekend was one of the best weekends i have ever had! i went to Little Sahara and we rode four wheelers and litte razors(they are like rhinos) on the sand dunes...i have never had soo much fun! in the back of my mind you were there because that was one thing we always used to talk about..getting sand tires and going to the sand dunes! you always used to talk about how much fun we would have if we ever went! i bet you could hear me screaming all the way up there in heaven! it was a blast! we got there on saturday night and we went night riding and got lost for two hours..the blaster dalton was on ran outta gas and the razor curt and i were on broke! the main drive belt broke so we lost all of our gears and had to get towed back in! the next day we went riding during the day and OMG! it was so scary!!! i like it better at night cause you cant see what your jumping..during the day you can though!! dalton was like quit screaming!! lol it was like you were on a roller coaster...when your going down a hill! it was a fun screaming not a scared one! haha! i really wish you could have been there and experienced it before you left us!! but i bet you were right there with me keeping me safe! i miss you and love you!!! please keep an eye on me!!! love you! Close
missing friends / Chasity Slaughter (friend)
hey kyle me and tony are finally getting married, we are excited about it. we decided that valentine's day would be the perfect day to get married. it's been fun planning this wedding at the same time it's been hard because two of our best friends are not going to be there. we always said that when we get married that you were going to be tony's best man. it's been really hard for tony because their is no one that could fill your shoes you guys were best friends for so long, i told him that when choosing his best man he needs to choose someone that would be the closest to you and someone that he has known for many years, so he picked Josh Sparrow we knew that you would be happy with his decision, no one could ever replace you, your one of a kind. when Brittney passed away on august 10 and i got the phone call early august 11th it took my breath away i couldn't talk i was so shocked it brought back memories of getting that phone call about you. we are to young to be losing our best friends. you and britt were both 23 ya'll had so much more living to do I just don't understand and i never will. it's so hard to live with because we can't pick up the phone and call ya'll. I'm planning a wedding that is going to be the happiest day and i can't even call my best friends and tell them that we are getting married. I'm so thankful that i got to be a bridesmaid in Britt's wedding and experience that with her. I will always miss you guys and will never forget ya'll. I have so much anger when i think about you guys being gone because we are going to miss out on so much. Me and Tony aren't going to be able to grow old with two of our best friends it's just not fair that their lives were cut short at such a young age. we love you both so much and we think of you guys so much, I think of all the good times that we got to spend with ya'll but i wish there could have been more years. Close
I talked to Tony McKee yesterday afternoon...first we talked about
how each of us were doing and how much we love and miss you!!
Tony and Chasity is getting married on Valentines Day!
As you and I know they are perfect for each other and I know you are happy for them, especially since they have been together 10 years and were like a brother and sister to you!
My heart dropped to the pit of my stomache when Tony told me about Brittany McCaughn having a terrible accident last month and losing your life, leaving behind her new husband, which I can't remember his name, sorry, and two small children, I saw her
last on your 1 year angel date at the cemetery, just doesn't seem
possible......it's not fair, and as parents, we should go before our children.
My heart aches so much for Deb (Brittany's) mom....and of course her children, hubby and family. I hate it so that another
family will be going through this painful journey without their child!
I cried myself to sleep last night thinking of Deb having to endure
her daughters lose and never being able to see her or touch, smell or hear her voice until our God calls her home!
I know Brittany, you, Lance, Bear and all the loved ones who have left our side for now, are together, but the missing is plain hell....I asked Tony to get me Deb's number or email....I know she is in complete shock right now, and my heart is actually hurting knowing that when this
shock wears off the pain inside us in the second year, is a life I wish on no one....I know time will make the meltdowns soften, but the there will always be a part of us missing. We are forever changed, but we keep taking those baby steps as we try to heal.
I have two articles that I have been meaning to type on your memorial site Kyle, but it's been hard to even come here lately.
For some reason the music messed up with the site made some
changes, and I will re-do that as well honey!
Brittany, Kyle & Lance.....we love you dearly and miss you with every fiber of our being! Life has forever changed, we all are now
different in so many ways without all of you in our lives to hug and
tell your personally how much you all mean to us.
I'm flying to Hawaii Thursday morning, Judy lives there, and I will be staying with her, her Dougie is in heaven showing you all how to surf. I will be seeing Dottie there as well, her beautiful Tammie's 3rd angel date is on the 14th, and spending that day with her is an honor. Karen will be there as well, her daughter is getting married on Maui, I know Ronnie, her beloved son who loved motorcycles as well.
Fun.../ Kristin Rasbury (friend)
hey kyle...guess what!?!? i went with a friend riding the other day..and it was a little emotional! he rides dirtbikes like chris though...while we were out there their was a quad rider and guess what he was riding..trx 450r! he was jumping all the jumps and was an amazing rider..and i just pictured you! i felt so much at peace when i was there watching him on that four wheeler! i just had a big smile on my face! i didnt know how i could smile so big! my friend curt took me for a ride on his dirtbike and i just remembered how much fun we used to have on that thing, well except for the times you tried to kill me lol... its crazy the things i thought i would never be able to do again...while i was out there i just thought about you and texted chris and told him what i was doing and how much i missed the good ole days up at heber springs..you remember the superman pic i got of chris!!! that was the best picture ever! i wish i could find it!!! well i just wanted to tell you that stuff! i miss you like crazy and i got a new tattoo for you i will send you mom pictures! its a cross with tribal around it and little stars..the cross is for peace and the stars are because i know you watch over me everyday! i love you and miss you!! Close
Its true! / Kristin Rasbury
hey kyle, last night i finally realised you are gone. it hurt so bad! i finally got up enough courage to ask your mom for you death certificate cause in order to get your name off of our bank account that is the only way! its been two years but i knew it would be painful for her and for me! so i went back to arkansas this weekend and first place i went when i got into town was to you! like always! i feel at peace there..i dont know why but i do. i think it is because im so close to you. you always did that for me...made me feel safe! even after everything we went through you had that effect on me...all you would have to do is put your arms around me and everything was better! i really miss that! i miss your big arms around me and i miss your voice telling me everything will be ok. well last night i got home from arkansas and i unpacked and there it was the copy your mom had sent me still unopened cause i knew how much it would hurt. well i opened it and i read it! the tears came! i cant believe you are really gone and it hurts like hell! i feel like you were my soulmate and god took you away too soon...now i have no one and i prolly never will! since you are gone! there are days when i can see something that will make me laugh then there are days when i see something that will make me sad! i told my best friend susie about how i got a 6 am wake up call from you saying you had spray painted your truck flat black! and how we all called it kyle berry black. well sus and i were riding around town and she goes oh look its kyle berry black..and that was like a stab in the heart! i miss you like crazy i wish i could of talked to you before god took you away from me so i could know you forgave me and so you could know i forgave you! and i wanted to tell you i love you, but i couldnt because you were so far away from me! well i do love you and i did forgive you a long time ago! i just wish more than anything i could hear you say those words back to me! I get my braces off on aug 12th i will be back in jtown and i will come see you! so see you soon! Close
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